Remember back in the good old days, when everyone knew what they were supposed to be? Remember how gender roles were more clearly defined, and a man did what a man does, and a woman did what a woman does? We had rules! And these rules, while sometimes restrictive, helped us to form a solid community. We knew what was expected of us. We weren’t bad people! We didn’t set out to demean women! We did what people have done for generations! We were normal! Everything was fine! It was a well-oiled machine! And then suddenly this Jesus person waltzes into town and starts telling us that we’re doing it wrong!
I mean, he comes in here yelling at us and calling us names, which is not cool at all. I always heard that he was pretty laid back, but apparently not, because he personally called me a viper and a blind fool and some other things that I eventually tuned out. And I have been following the laws! I give a tenth of my spices, and I get tons of people in here every day, swearing oaths on their sacrifices, and it’s been going pretty well. The last thing I need is some supposed prophet in my temple, stirring things up and trying to change everything. But that’s not even the worst part! Then, after he’s done shouting at us, he says something about wanting to be a mother hen to all of us. It’s bad enough that he has women traveling around with him all the time, and that they seem to have a high place in his company, but now he’s saying that God is sometimes like a mother! God is not like a mother! He is a father! Everybody knows this!
And I’m afraid to say that this is not an isolated incident, because I hear that Jesus is always telling these stories, these parables to people, I guess to show them what God is like, and sometimes he uses a woman to represent God! A WOMAN! I wasn’t there, but I heard about it from some people, and they said that Jesus said that God was like a woman who loses a coin, and then finds it, and then, well, I’m not sure what happens next. It’s kind of a boring story. But the point is, Jesus apparently does not know the difference between a mother and a father.
Fathers are strong. They build things. They create things! Mothers are, well, I guess they’re pretty strong too, and they do create life, which is kind of like God I suppose, but that’s totally different! Mothers are all mushy and weepy, and they go crazy over every little drawing of a camel that their kid makes in the sand, and they love warm hugs. Fathers are the ones protecting the family. They do the hard work, the tough work, and go into battle when needed. God is more like a father. He’s always marching armies around to kill people, and sending floods, and all sorts of fatherly stuff. If you think God is like a mother, you might as well just say “God is love” and be done with it. I mean, come on!
Well, yes, technically there is one Psalm where David says “as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress; so our eyes wait upon the Lord our God,” so he did compare God to a woman before Jesus did, but I don’t appreciate you bringing that up. There are far more Psalms in which God is portrayed as a man, and I think we can all agree that majority rules. You’re getting me all confused now. My point is, that we have a certain social system that is working for me personally, and Jesus keeps messing it up. Think about the long term consequences! Someday women could become so equal to men that they would start working outside of the home! And then who would stay home and take care of the children? The fathers?! Don’t be absurd! That would never work!
This is a dangerous game that this Jesus of Nazareth is playing. If God is both mother and father, then we who were created in HIS image, must also have both male and female traits. People will start to believe that men have emotions, and are compassionate! Society will let women into positions of power in the belief that they are strong and capable! No one will know where they belong! Except for me. I know where I belong. Right here in this temple. You can leave if you want, but following Jesus would mean giving up almost everything that society has taught me to believe in. Following Jesus would be hard! Too hard! I’m comfortable right where I am, with all the answers to life. And I got these answers by studying the scriptures! I’ve devoted my life to them! I’m not going to be turned away from my beliefs simply because Jesus seems to be questioning them. So have fun out there being confused and unsettled with your multifaceted God. That’s not for me. You don’t get to be a Pharisee by asking questions.